Coping with Preschool Tantrums: Effective Strategies 

If you’ve ever watched your child go from belly laughs to crying on the floor in record time, you know just how draining tantrums can be. They test your patience, your energy, and sometimes even your confidence as a parent. That said, while they definitely don’t feel that way in the moment, tantrums make up a normal, healthy part of preschool development. In fact, research shows that up to 87% of toddlers have tantrums by age two, and that number jumps to around 91% by age three. They’re not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. With the right tools, you can turn these meltdowns into powerful learning moments for your child and a lot less stress for you. Keep reading for simple strategies you can use today to ease the tantrum stage and bring more calm into your home. 

Tantrum Triggers and Solutions That Work 

One of the most helpful preschool behavior management tips is figuring out what exactly sets tantrums off in the first place. Hunger, tiredness, sudden changes, or sensory overload are common triggers. Think about how hard it is to handle a long day at work when you’re hungry and rushed. Your child’s idea of stress might look different than yours, but it’s still as hard on them. For preschoolers, even small disruptions can feel ginormous.  

Routines bring comfort and predictability. Keeping a steady rhythm of preschooler routines for meals, naps, and play helps children feel grounded. Offering choices is another way to prevent meltdowns. Instead of saying, “It’s bedtime now,” try asking, “Do you want to put on your pajamas first or brush your teeth first?” Giving kids a little say helps them feel capable instead of cornered. 

Redirection can be a gamechanger too, especially when using simple tools from Applied Behavior Analysis, or ABA. If your preschooler is stuck in frustration because their block tower keeps toppling, try shifting their focus to something new like building with a different set of blocks, starting a silly game where you pretend to be crane operators who knock towers down on purpose, or taking them into another room where the stressor is out of sight. This kind of positive redirection is a core part of preschool behavior strategies and one of the most effective ABA techniques for toddlers. It helps teach flexibility, lowers frustration, and turns tricky moments into playful learning opportunities. 

A lot of parents think frequent tantrums mean their child is acting spoiled, and it’s easy to fall into the habit of saying things like, “You don’t even know how good you have it.” But toddlers just aren’t there yet. The kind of reasoning that helps kids understand fairness, gratitude, or someone else’s perspective doesn’t fully develop until around age six or seven. Preschoolers are still learning how to name their feelings, let alone manage them. Most of the time, tantrums are actually a sign your child is trying hard to be independent but just doesn’t have all the tools yet. And as Dr. Hubbard, a pediatric occupational therapist, points out in the video below, trying to reason with your child in the middle of a meltdown can actually make things worse. When you see meltdowns as part of your child’s emotional development instead of bad behavior, it really changes how you show up in those tough moments. 

How to Calm an Upset Preschooler in the Moment 

When a meltdown hits, the question is always the same: how do you calm an upset preschooler without losing your own cool? It’s the classic “put on your own oxygen mask first” moment. The first step is staying steady yourself. Kids pick up on your emotions, so a calm tone and relaxed body language go a long way. 

Sometimes children want a hug, sometimes they need space. Both are perfectly fine. Offer gentle reassurance with simple words like, “I’m here when you’re ready” and wait. Long explanations won’t sink in until they’ve calmed down. It also helps to create a calm-down corner at home. Think of it as a cozy retreat, not a timeout corner. Add soft pillows, a favorite stuffed animal, or a glitter jar they can shake and watch settle. A book like The Color Monster by Anna Llenas is a sweet way to help kids put names to their emotions. Despite thinking that reasoning with them mid-tantrum will help, preschoolers usually can’t process logic until the emotions pass. Save the teaching moment for later. 

Tips for Reducing Meltdowns in Young Children Before They Start 

While tantrums are part of the preschool years, there are plenty of ways to reduce how often they happen. Teaching emotional vocabulary when your child is calm is one of the best. When kids can say “I’m mad” or “I’m happy,” they’re less likely to scream it out. Books are an excellent way to bring the point home. Reading books like How Do Dinosaurs Say I’m Mad? by Jane Yolen is a fun way to practice naming feelings. Activity transitions are another common stressor for children. Many toddlers struggle when something fun ends suddenly. Giving a five-minute warning, setting a visual timer, or singing a cleanup song can soften the shift. 

Modeling calm behavior makes a huge difference too. Not only does it help you as a parent keep your cool in the moment, your child watches you take a deep breath instead of snapping, they learn by example. Like we said before, don’t think lessons about tantrums have to happen during the meltdown itself. In reality, the most effective teaching moments come either before or after, when your child is calm.  

Encouragement for Parents 

Managing tantrums isn’t easy. Some days will feel like you’re making progress, and others will feel like one meltdown after another. That’s completely normal. Every parent goes through this stage, and every child learns at their own pace. But if tantrums feel constant or overwhelming, reach out for support. A quick chat with your partner, pediatrician or your child’s teacher can give you fresh insight. Teachers especially have a wealth of preschool behavior management tips from years of experience in group settings. 

Parenting resources can also help. No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson is full of practical strategies that make sense in real life. Having new ideas in your toolbox can make even the toughest days feel more manageable. 

Creative World School Supports Big Feelings 

At Creative World School, we believe every emotion is a chance to learn. Our teachers support children through their big feelings with patience and compassion. Through storytelling, play, and peer modeling, children learn how to name emotions, practice problem-solving, and grow resilience. 

Every tantrum is seen as a teachable moment. With the right support, children begin to manage frustration in healthier ways, building confidence and empathy along the way. Learn how Creative World School helps children navigate big emotions. Schedule a tour today!